Healing through the lens.

Healing Through the Lens has been an idea of mine for many years.  I have always found peace behind the lens of my camera or iPhone as the case is most days now.  Healing from what? Oh, so many things. I originally thought it would be around recovering from medical issues and three major surgeries.  But time passed and I didn’t start my blog.  Life continued to march along but I felt that something was missing.  I was not feeling at peace with my life. It took a while to put all the pieces together, but I realized that I was still grieving the loss of my dad from 2010.  He was a photographer as well and our plan when he retired was to do photography together.  He was my hero, my biggest supporter and I felt lost without him.  Almost guilty that I was still here to take pictures.

I walked through life in a fog for many years since my dad died and my medical crisis.  I thought that was all that would be thrown at me for a while.  I figured I had my share of heartache that I would be able to catch my breath.  How wrong I was.  Six months ago, my beautiful son died at the age of 37.  He was my gentle spirit in a world full of noise.  A struggling soul as well taken from this earth too soon.  Some days it is hard to breath and the weight of this grief is soul crushing.  What do I do with all this?  The easy answer is to crawl in bed and stay there until the world decides it is done making my life so hard.  It’s hard not to get consumed by self-pity and anger.  Those emotions are easier to deal with that trying to pick myself up and move on with my life.  Not the life I knew before but the new life I must create. I want the easy way out.  I want someone else to fix my sadness and sorrow.  But no one is going to do that for me.  If I want to find peace in my life, it’s up to me to search for it, work for it and finally accept it.  I need to want it.