Lost Mittens

I recently lost my favorite pair of winter mittens at a rest stop while returning home from a short trip. I was so upset about this- way more than I should have been over a pair of mittens. I did return to where I thought I might have lost them, and someone had turned them into the lost and found. Mittens are back.

This experience really got me thinking about why losing something is so hard. I don’t think it really had anything to do with the mittens. I don’t want to let go of something until I am ready to let it go. And when you lose something, you have not been given the choice. It is taken from you. We are not given the choice when people die, they are just taken from us. I hold on to material things longer than necessary thinking they are a direct connection to the past. Letting go of “things” feels like I am letting go of the past. Memories. People. I have control when I keep things. It’s hard to accept that most things in life we really can’t control.

Sometimes I think that holding on to stuff, stuff that will be here after I die, will somehow make me immortal. I may be gone, but that stack of books and old mittens will prove I was here. Proof for whom?

One of the hardest things to do since our son died was to go through his things and decide what to keep and what to dispose of or what to donate. Old torn sweatshirts that he loved have no value. Does keeping them in a box in the basement prove we haven’t forgotten him? And what will happen to this box “down the road”? If I keep his stuff, will I still have a piece of him?  I must admit, seeing his tractor collection and old truck does spark happy memories of his time here on earth.

The cycle of stuff is more complex than I thought. I think I need to start to eliminate some of my things that I no longer need.  Keeping them will not keep me alive for my family someday. Does a random book on trees help them remember me? And when do you start the elimination process? I keep things because they are important to me even though no one else might enjoy them. Tossing my memories and things I enjoy away feels like I am moving towards my end game.

So, what now? I think it’s time to really address what is important to ME and weed out the stuff that I am ready to let go of. Maybe this won’t feel like such a loss doing it this way for me? Maybe if I do it and do not make someone else do it someday, I will be giving them a gift? A few nice personal things are better than an entire house of “what the hell are we going to do with all this stuff”!

“Possessions only provide temporary Happiness”

                                                                    Rick Warran