Questions with no answers.

Six months ago, today we made the life shattering decision to remove the life support that was keeping our son alive. “No hope” “No chance of survival”— words we kept hearing. A decision no parent should have to make but there we were.

I keep wondering if we played God by putting him on life support in the first place to “keep him alive” or did we play God when we removed it? We “let him go” If he was meant to live, would he have survived? Was it “his time?” I hate these questions with no answers. We didn’t want him to suffer, or did we not want to suffer?

Life has so many “this or that” options. What if the answer is somewhere in the middle? Not right or wrong, left, or right? Why can’t we be both free and grounded at the same time? Do we stay the course on the well beaten path we have always walked, or do we veer off on a new trail?

What did “playing it safe” do for my son? Did he miss his grand adventure?

Ever wonder what’s just outside your view of life?

Grief- What exactly is it? A natural reaction of the loss of a loved one. What is “natural” about burying your child? The word doesn’t seem to have a definition that fits my feelings. There seems to be an understood cycle or timeline that one is expected to follow to ‘get back to normal”.

People are crazy if they think life after the loss of a child will ever get back to “normal”.

So much has changed. People don’t know what to say and seem to avoid us. So much loss in all parts of our life. I feel like a stranger in my own life. Who am I now? What should I be doing? How should I be feeling?

Creativity helps to explore feelings.

Tell my heart to feel again.